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Why are we back to failing on Dreamwalker?

Man, I get so frustrated with raiding sometimes.

There are good nights, last week we had our “triumphant” first kill of Putricide. I say “triumphant” in quotes because we’d have killed him long ago if people would stop thinking about farming badges and start thinking about killing bosses.

But then this week, we wiped on Dreamwalker three times before moving on to one shot Fester and Rot. I mean, wtf?

I guess at this point, I can only just shake my head and curse under my breath. I’m having a deep sort of burnout right now, which makes me kind of resent my guild and everything about it.  I’ve been running with Zimzi, because we’re not making any progress right now, and we’re not trying hard enough to make it worthwhile to bring Myrhani when she needs literally no gear and Zim needs everything. It’s hard to stomach the idea of playing a character you’ve totally lost interest in, especially when there’s no realistic prospect of progressing that character (Myr hasn’t had an upgrade in months). It’s doubly frustrating when you’re being asked to bring that character specifically because she’s overgeared, which inspires a whole host of thoughts about how I’m compensating for the low gear/skill/commitment/attendance of others. Oh yeah, and also a pleasant thought surfaces about whether it’s a strategic move to include one or two people who won’t compete for gear with the loot-hounds who think about nothing else.  I don’t really think my guildies are doing this on purpose, but I’ve been raiding the same 4-6 bosses twice a week for nearly a year now – with the same character in the same role and with near perfect attendance. It’s hard not to feel angry with the people who are forcing me to keep doing it, even when it’s decidedly not beneficial for me anymore.

And then there’s the guild’s stance on raid lockouts. Apparently, we need the emblems still, so we can’t extend the raid lockout or we’d miss out on our weekly 8 emblems from the first wing.  With the majority of the guild’s raiders being utterly geared to the teeth, it’s hard for me to think we need the frost emblems so bad we have to sacrifice progression to get them. We only raid 10 mans, after all. We don’t need full 264 to do the freaking Blood Wing. Again, I can’t help but think that someone who controls our raid itinerary is farming a lot of primordial saronites for a personal project.

So Myr is literally drowning in frost emblems she doesn’t need, to the point where I spent three saronites worth of them and traded it to someone for an ilvl200 trinket that was an upgrade for Zimzi.

Just to continue griping, our guild raid nights have been Thursday and Monday 9pm (local) to about midnight. Well it turns out this semester, I have an unavoidable scheduling conflict… namely a night class that starts at 8pm on Monday nights and doesn’t end until 10. On Thursdays I start at 9am and go straight through until 8pm, which means I leave my house before 7am and don’t get home until 9pm. After that day the last, and I do mean the very last, thing on earth I want to do is be hustled online to raid for three hours before I’m allowed to go to bed. Maybe some people have the kind of enthusiasm and fortitude it takes to do that once a week, but after Thursdays, I just want to sleep all day Friday.

Well, I’m apparently so pivotal to the raid group that they’ve rescheduled the Monday night raid for Wednesdays. Fine, good. I can make Wednesday, I might even enjoy raiding on Wednesdays. But they’ve still got the second raid scheduled for Thursday nights, and have pushed it back a half hour so I can make it.

I like feeling needed, I like the idea that my spot is safe as the guild’s primary consistent healer. I hate the fact that I’ve said and said and said I can’t do Thursdays, and they’re still looking for a way to make me do Thursdays. I don’t care if they move the raid to 6AM before I leave for school, I have a THIRTEEN hour school day (with commute time included) and I don’t want to raid that night! I’ve said pug the spot if you can, I don’t mind. I’ve said I don’t think Thursday works for me. I’ve said it louder and more forcefully that Thursday does not work. I’ve said it in Mumble, I’ve said it in guild chat. I’ve said it to Naelian in person. I don’t know how much more I can say, I don’t like being bludgeoned with guilt. I care that the guild can’t raid without me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to raid on Thursdays and be happy about it!

Especially if we’re just going to endlessly farm the first wing for badges I don’t want, and go back to failing on Dreamwalker.

Also, I wish we had a blog category for “long, angry, suppressed rants.” I would put this post in that category.

{ 8 comments… add one }

  • Chimpeh August 26, 2010, 4:44 pm

    It's rather ironic that a guild that seems to be showing a severe lack of dedication from some of its members, considering the lack of attendance and skill from some of them as you suggest, would still try to push one if its members so. When I raided I was always the high attendance player but I could still understand other people's schedule and find alternatives instead of harassing them.

    I haven't read your blog long and as such I don't know how your actual relation is with the guild but it seems that it may be time to find something different. If you're getting a burn out, not just from playing with them, but also getting frustrated with having to play a character that you don't want to play just so the others in the group can leech of off you I can't imagine it doing anything other than ruining the game. Nevermind them not having any respect for your out of game activities.

    My alliance guild had a little horde alt project running on the server where we would do 25 man pugs while doing ICC10/ToGC10 with our horde alt guild only ,every friday/saturday. They'd always give me crap because I didn't want to stay past midnight but when I told them they could either live with it or find somebody else it still kept happening and I decided to just cut of the horde raiding. Even though this slowly lead to the end of this little project, which was quite a shame as it was fun while it lasted, I believe that if your out of game priorities aren't respected you shouldn't be playing with them.

  • El Muneco August 26, 2010, 5:30 pm

    As for the other thing, it's hard to say no. I addressed this by setting boundaries long ago – "these nights, I don't raid, even if I happen to be around". It's hard to be on my alt and watch a promising potential raid break up, or fail, when I know I could have at least helped them have a little more success. But boundaries are important, timewise as well as spacewise and personal.

  • Rhii August 26, 2010, 6:01 pm

    I think it's less about needing gear at this point, and more about wanting gear.

    There's a basic disconnect between people who raid to get gear and people who get gear to raid. I get gear to raid. Most of the other people I know raid to get gear.

    If you raid to get gear, there's no point in moving on until you have milked all possible gear out of the content you're doing. Only then is it necessary to progress to something new. Why do something harder when there's still gear advancement in the easy fights you already know?

  • Madelia August 26, 2010, 6:15 pm

    Our comm had a lot of problems with the progression vs. emblem grind. We eventually decided to do this: start a fresh run every other week (usually, this happens) and then extend it for the next week to see how far we can get. We start a fresh raid, down the first 4 plus Festergut and Rotface. Sometimes, if we have a good group, we also get Putricide. We raid three nights a week in ICC, so the next time we go, we hit the blood wing, (Putricide) and Dreamwalker. Then we wipe on Sindy for the rest of the night. Third night is a total wipe on Sindragosa, usually. We've not got past her. But I digress. I was going to suggest that maybe you could try our every other week strategy? It's a compromise, but a decent one.

    As for burnout, it sucks. You must be strong! Don't log into WoW. Turn your phone off. The guild is not made of YOU. They can deal without you, I promise. :)

  • Syl August 26, 2010, 9:53 pm

    My guild’s viewpoint was rather clear on the progress side: farm gear a bit until you know you can do certain encounters, but then go for firstkills first. while it’s a question of balance, you gotta make this call at some point – and the gear argument isnt such a good one anyway, because in essence all these bosses are doable and have been downed with less than perfect gear. of course you don’t have to be so hardcore, but a healthy balance of both is important. once you got the first kills done, you can always fall back to some farming.

    this is ofc my viewpoint speaking from a guild that cared about server standing. but even if you don’t, i’d say its pretty boring to farm the same bosses all the time. give first kills a chance.

  • Chimpeh August 27, 2010, 2:40 pm

    Why do you have a hard time saying no?

    I've noticed that in MMOs I have an attitude that may expect one to be disliked by just about everybody but it's just not the case. If you do what you want to instead of what others want you to do you somehow become a lot more interesting to them, plus you won't be getting depressed with your guild anymore. Just don't take it to the point of being an unreliable person.

  • Endyme September 3, 2010, 3:50 pm

    This rant resonated with me as well. Currently, I'm in a great place…my 10 man is full of folks who are patient and willing to try anything to get a boss down. If we find we're bashing our heads into a wall and need a break, we either start fresh or would work on another boss. We wiped for weeks and weeks on Sindy. Some nights, it was all we did for 2 hours. And we had as much fun as you can while dying alot. Just last night, I got my first peek at Arthas.

    But I've previously felt like you did, like I was someone on whom the raid hinged (I can never make this sound like I mean it…I'm not all full of myself, promise!) and much like you, I hate saying no. I want to be thought of as reliable and all that jazz. As others have said, I think you need to set some boundaries. I wouldn't go so far as to advice a change of guild, because I don't know your guild and the people in it. They could be well intentioned and just taking you for granted, not realizing it's causing you anguish (even though you've tried to tell them). But something needs to change. Even if it's just you NOT being around when you usually are, on days when you're tired from school or just want to hang with friends or something.

    I have a guildie who I was strongly reminded of while reading your rant and I told him that something needs to change. He's tried talking to people, but he feels the situation isn't going to change for the time being. I adviced a break, even if it's just a week or something, or a change in pattern. Something. Anything. When I decided on a server transfer for my paladin a year ago, I felt horrible leaving my guild (even though many were abandoning ship), I felt extreme guilt, but I also felt the need to DO something or else I was going to quit WoW outright. I play this game for me and to have fun by gosh, not get a new ulcer and worry over pixels.

    I ramble…but I hope you can fix your situation so you're not so unhappy.

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