I’m not leaving you, but… I think we need to start seeing other people.
In my reckless youth, I played all the games. PC, Xbox, PlayStation, Nintendo. I can’t even list who I loved before you… There was a stuffy old man named Atruswho wrote the most beautiful worlds, and there was some hotshot pilot, Fox McCloud –boy he could fly!– and there was that madcap plumber Mario, and his brother! *giggle* There was Ico – he had horns – and Yuri Hyuga – he could turn into demons – and who could forget Tony Hawk?!
I had a mad crazy affair with this guy Link… and his friend Zelda. (*gasp*) And then there were all those spiky headed guys, now what were their names? Oh yeah, Crono, Cloud, Squall, Tidus, Vaan, and Sora… and that bunch of crazy crazy kids from Gekkoukan High School.
When I met you, I though this was it… that we’d be together forever, that I’d never need another game. Silly, I thought, all that playing the field… when all I ever wanted was right here within my grasp. I was sorry I’d waited so long to settle down with you WoW. Those other games were just flings, short and expensive too. I know it’s not flattering, WoW, but you’re a cheap date and I liked that about you.
But lately, I’ve been missing all those others. I’ve been missing my freedom. Remember when I didn’t have to ask you what the daily was before I could go out at night? Remember when I could come and go as I pleased and I came to you because I chose you, not because you were nagging me about what we’re going to do for the holidays, or did I get all those fish feasts for dinner?
And I’m sorry to tell you this, WoW, but there’s someone else. An elf. Not a blood elf or a night elf, but a Sindarin elf. That’s right, I’ve been hanging out in Middle Earth while you weren’t looking. I’m sorry WoW, but I’ve loved Tolkien since long before I met you! Oh, and you heard about the wizard too? Well I was going to tell you…
So yes, WoW… this isn’t the end for us, I mean, I’m still gonna come visit on raid nights and I’ll always love you, but I’m sorry, we just can’t be exclusive anymore. I want to be Polygamerous again.